My World Revolves around Confusion and Paranoia

Once again, its me.. typing my heart out with all the mishaps that have been going on with my so called "life".

Let's start with what happened yesterday.

I wounded myself physically and emotionally. alright.

What's with the emphasis on the emotionally side??...

It is actually for the fact that the emotional side HURTS MORE than the physical side. The emotional side requires a long period of time for the wound to heal.

Anyway...

What Happened "YESTERDAY" anyway?

OK... Let's start with my Monday morning. My morning was just fine until I finally decided to agree upon "something wrong".

I shouldn't have done it in the first place. Little did I know, that SHE was actually there. I was referring to "someone" to who, for me, is an antagonist.

Backstabbing as it may seem but that is what I feel towards her. It's not because I'm jealous or anything. Alright. Let me admit it. Straight to the point. I AM ACTUALLY JEALOUS seeing her very close to *toot*. I'm jealous because she does not feel anxious whenever this certain person around. I'm not really mad at her, I am actually mad........ at me. I loathe myself for being such a coward. Oh Gee, Why does it have to be this way?


Another incident happened during the evening. I think I'm actually... "liking" this certain someone again.

And at the peak of my admiration towards that person it seems as if.. were parting ways. Everytime I try to talk to this person, that person seems always busy. Well, that person is not actually busy.... but.... I guess that person consumes the time with some other friends. Which leaves.. me.. again.. nothing.. but... still.. envious... and miserable.. and paranoid. AND WHATEVER. Hahaha.

I just can't explain what I truly feel right now.

I guess I am just missing this people.

UGH.

It drives me insane whenever I miss certain people in my life.

I even tell THESE PEOPLE that I actually miss them, I like having them around and so on and so fourth.. but sometimes, its as if, for them.... its just.. plain.. NOTHING.

I know for a fact, that they actually needed a little more space............. but something inside me hinders myself........ for giving them..... S-P-A-C-E

I guess I'm just used to having them around.

ugh. Once again, I loathe myself.